My cousin was murdered. She was going to be given to my aunt who was dealing with infertility but got the abortion instead. Rest in love my cousin. I don't know the gender so I gave the neutral name Phoenix.

To my baby Angel, I think about you often and you will always & forever have a place in our hearts. I like to think of how you watch over and take care of your brother and sisters. Thank you for teaching me how to keep on going and to how to keep on loving. You are so loved.

Dear Summer,

I have loved you from the day I first found out I was pregnant with you. I have always wanted to be a mommy and I was so happy to be your mommy. I was young, scared, happy and, excited all at the same time. My favorite memory that I will always have of you is seeing you turning flips and playing in my belly. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you, or tell you how much I love you. I can't wait to see you again one day. Mommy loves you to the moon and back again.

Oh Aria, your Daddy was so excited to meet you. When we lost Thea, he was so worried that I wasn't going to make it through surgery, and we found out about you so soon after that he'd barely stopped to grieve. When we saw you on our first ultrasound, you were so tiny. I knew right then something wasn't right. That's my job, I'm your momma. I think your Dad didn't realize how serious our doctor's concerns were, until we got home and I cried for days. I hear so many people argue about whether or not they should be allowed to stop the tiny little hearts of babies like you. All I wanted was to see yours beat. Nine days later, at our next ultrasound, you hadn't moved. You hadn't grown. I knew before I saw you that you were gone. I'm so sorry for how detached I was that day. We had just lost Thea, and my grief was still fresh. Your Dad cried on the way home from that appointment. His grief matched mine, for the first time. I wasn't ready to be pregnant again, but I wasn't ready to lose you, either. My grief for you and your sister nearly consumed me. My faith in Jesus was so new, just a spark, and I wished nothing more than to go be with Him, and with you. In the midst of my deepest grief, God gave me a dream. He showed me you, and Thea. Honey, you are so beautiful. You and your sister look like siblings, but Thea looks more like me. You look like your Daddy, and your little sister. He's going to be happy to see that when we get to you. I love you my sweet song.

Reign you have already shaped me in ways that you couldn't imagine. i am so sorry that I couldn't keep you, but I pray every day that you are safe in Gods arms. I pray that He holds you tighter than I ever could and that you forgive me in time to come. I love you and will always have you in my heart. I pray one day I can hold you closely to my chest and tell you how much I cherish the time we had and how much you have had an impression me. For you I will become the best person I can be and l live life loving you every second along the way. I love you so much and can't wait for the moment God will let us meet again. With silent tears and a heavy heart I write this,

Your mom🤍

I love you

Noah,

I regret not giving you a chance at life here with me. I know you are in heaven and Jesus is holding you and you are playing with your other siblings. I love you and can't wait to meet you in Heaven!

Dear Ellie Mae, my sweet baby I love and miss you so much. I will always cherish the time that we did have together with you in my belly. I'm sorry for not protecting you more, I regret my decision every single day but I will never forget you and I am so blessed to be your mommy. I can't wait to meet you one day in heaven. I love you even more than that and so do your siblings. ❤️

Dear Olivia,

I cherish the moments that I did get to spend with you. I loved you so much and you are always forever in our hearts. We will all be united together one day. Thank you for teaching me that purpose can from pain and that strength is found in vulnerability. You helped me create and start my podcast which is reaching and blessing women of faith all over. You are my inspiration.

Dear River,

My sweet baby, not a day goes by that I don't think of you. You are always in my heart, my love for you never fades. Until we meet again my sweet angel.

Before I knew you were there, I wrote a song for your Dad. I wanted to memorialize our love in song, but I couldn't quite figure out the right ending. Then, I saw two little pink lines, and I knew what to do. When your Dad got home from work, I secretly sat up my phone to record, and told him I'd finished the song and wanted to know what he thought. I sang to him about how proud of him I am, how thankful I am for our love, and that because of that love, a new little baby was going to be born. He was so surprised! We laughed and cried and held each other. We couldn't wait to meet you. You couldn't wait either, and it was too soon, but it's not your fault honey. I love and miss you. You would have been an amazing big sister, I'm sure of it. I'll see you when I get there baby girl.

Mummy loves and misses you so much my baby, fly high x

My baby boy, just know you were always wanted and always loved and you'll always remain a part of me. I love you

Julian,

My 1st baby boy! I hope you have forgiven me for aborting you.I was young and nieve. You live in my heart and I think about you and feel you often. I know you are always watching over me and your younger siblings. Until we meet in heaven, I love you!!

Loved you before I met you, until we meet again. Will carry you in my heart

Dear Trey,

I am so very thankful for the time that I got to spend with you. From the moment I found out about you I was so excited to be your mommy. You are so loved and adored. Being your mommy has been one of the best things to happen to me and I am truly blesse. there isn't a day that goes by that I don't talk to you and tell you how loved and cared for you are. I can't wait to see you again one day. I love you to the moon and back agai.

When we lost your sisters, their names came to me after they were gone. I knew your name from the moment I found out about you. We lost you the same way we lost Aria, you just stopped growing. It's a lot of work, going all the way from a tiny little cluster of cells to a full grown baby! Your brother and sister were SO excited to get a baby, and sometimes I wish I hadn't told them about you. Grief is a hard emotion for suck little kids to carry. But most of the time, I'm thankful that they know that they'very got a baby brother waiting in heaven for them. Sometimes I wonder if you'll be our last baby. In my heart I hope not, but in my brain I know it's likely. I'm the oldest sibling, so I don't know what it's like to be youngest. I hear that it means you can get away with more, and even though we've only got two of your four siblings living here, it's true of them! Your brother is a rule follower, and your sister doesn't seem to know that there are any rules! I wonder what you would have been like. Mostly, I wonder if you would have had red hair like them. I think it would have been brown, like mine. I'm glad that you aren't by yourself in heaven. I think you and your sisters are the first of our whole family to be there. I know you're safe in the arms of our Savior, but I wish I would have got to hold you too. I love you little man. Can't wait to meet you.

Hi baby gael 🤍 I love you and miss you so much, i know your daddy does too. Your in heaven and one day we'll meet again. I'm so sorry mommy and daddy were too young we made mistakes that weren't your fault, i'll forever keep you in my heart. You're my first baby i can't express how much i love you and wish i had you in my arms. There's not a day your not in the back of my mind. I know your watching over me and one day you'll come back to me i know you will baby.

I love you

Baby Charlotte,

You never made it here on Earth with me, God decided he needed you more in Heaven with Him. You are loved by me, until we meet in Heaven, I am so sorry and I love you!!